Ever hear of Chuck Norris? Yeah, he's that hunk with the beard that knocked up your wife and kicked your fucking ass. "But, how could you know that?" you ask, blubbering like a little baby. I know that because that statement applies to everyone.
Carlos 'Chuck' Norris is the second coming of Christ aka Jesus aka 'the Lord almighty' aka 'God JR.' (but do NOT call him King of the Jews). "But, wasn't there already a Jesus?" you ask. Yeah, there was, but he was a little bitch who couldn't even do one flying round house kick. Chuck Norris, on the other hand, CAN launch into a barrage of roundhouses powerful enough to knock the earth off its axis YET precise enough to circumsize a mosquito.
notion that Chuck Norris is the second
coming of Christ was arrived at one evening, several years ago, during a rousing
game of Beer Drunk Bash. The participants (C. Morimer, R. Manning
and Dr. Snuggles) came to this epiphany, somewhere on the backroads of Kearney,
on around the 12th beer of the evening. Driving at about 70 mph, Snugggles reached
for his 12th beer on the floor of the car (a can of Old Milwakee, 'cause thats
all he drinks), when somehow he drove off a cliff. In mid-air he turned to Rat
- who was sitting in the passenger seat - and said : "Well, old boy,
it's been a gas, but Im afraid we're done for!" Just then the angel
of Steve McQueen descended from heaven and saved them.
"Gadzooks, Bullitt saved our lives" exclaimed Rat, safely back up on the cliff's edge.
"Im not Bullitt, I'm Steve McQueen you stupid garbage face," yelled Steve McQueen jokingly. At that, they all laughed long into the night.
McQueen drank too much, passed out and the guys painted the crack of someone's buttocks on his face. In the morning, as Steve flew back up to heaven, the guys waved, trying to surpress their giggles. "Just wait till he glances in his cloud mirror," exlaimed Viscount Mortimer (at the time he still hadn't reached the rank of Count).
The next day the religion of Norris was formed.
The ChuckyNorris.com Gang: Click the faces for more information (if applicable)
