(above) Norris welcomes us personally to his Official Freedom Fortress®

-We recently spoke with Mr. Norris in the top floor of his Freedom Fortress® high atop Mount Infinite compassion

CN.com- Hello, your eminence.

Chuck N - Greetings to you and all my children.

CN.com- First of all, we'd like to thank you for taking time off your busy schedule of saving mankind, from the infidel heathens, to talk to little old us.

Chuck N- <smiles with his arms outstretched to the heavens>

CN.com- Now, everyone knows you're Jesus part 2, but what many people don't understand is how you differ from Jesus the first. Other than your name and immaculate beard, how can we tell you guys apart?

Chuck N- <chuckles>....Well, the best way to tell us apart is by karate ability. But I'm also sexier.

CN.com- <laughter> And who's the better karate master? Wait, don’t answer that <laughter all around> Ok, Mr. Norris, Almighty Saviour of all mankind, divine ruler of all things living, ma-

Chuck N- Please, just call me Carlos-Ray.

CN.com- Ha ha okay Carlos, can you just explain to our readers briefly how your methods of preaching differ from J.C # 1?

Chuck N- Well J.C 1 was big on preaching to crowds and turning water into wine and stuff. And then there was the bible and weekly visits to church; those all came along after JC died. All that stuff is well and good...but... I’m bringing Christianity back, this time with 21st century in your face TEXAS attitude!

CN.com- Wow, Okay! How does this "TEXAS attitude" change modern Christianity?

Chuck N- Well, for one, going to church on Sunday has been replaced with a couple hours of reps on the TOTAL GYM ®. Also preaching non-violence and pacifism has been replaced with drunken shoot outs and beating the evil out of the God-less heathens with a Texas Mickey of triple-black-belt karate.

CN.com- Wow, sounds like quite the change. What about God, what does he think about all this?

Chuck N- Who? Oh "Pops" - that's what I call him - he was kinda stiff about it at first. Like when I was a kid I'd be listening to Tirk Wilder up in my room and he'd be like "turn that garbage down!" and I'd be like "whatever dad!". But oh my God...

CN.com- I'm sorry, shouldn’t you say "oh my DAD"?

Chuck N- <laughs heartily> True! But "oh my DAD" when he saw the results of just 2 weeks on the TOTAL GYM® he came around. Now he plays Tirk Wilder in his Chevy and I spot for him on the TOTAL GYM® like 3 times a week.

CN.com- Speaking of Tirk wilder, how has he been implemented into your funky new version Christianity?

Chuck N- Well, next to the Total Gym®, I've found no better vessel or prophet than Tirk to speak the Word of Chuck to the masses.

- Dr. Snuggles