Chuck Norris saves 35 Texan Boy Scouts. Round-houses record amount of Iraqis.

Our Lord, Chuck “JC the second” Norris, has proven—once again—that he is, without doubt, our Saviour, the Son of God. Yesterday, on an afternoon flight back to Texas (Chuck was attending a National Boy Scout Basketball Tournament in New York, New York), Mr. C. “J.” Norris performed what is now recognized as one of his many miracles. Upon setting foot on the aircraft, Chuck pounded as many shots of tequila as he could before calling it a day and passing out in his aisle seat. It was later reported that much of his Godly drool was discovered on numerous flight attendants’ blue blazers, and this almighty substance is now being sold on E-bay for a steal-of-a-deal at $15 per miraculous vial.

Many of the tired boys were fast asleep when about 10 Iraqi terrorists busted out of the airplane washrooms and withdrew small pocketknives from their trousers. Chuck jolted upright at the startling sound and cut-off the terrorists before they could proceed past his aisle.

“Woh, woh, woh,” our fearless Lord said to the Iraqis. “I would like to know exactly why I wasn’t invited to this party.”

Tirk Wilder, who was seated 2 rows up from where Norris confronted the terrorists, claims that the cowardly Rat Manning inconspicuously uncoiled his handle-bar mustache before grabbing one of the limited emergency parachutes and plummeting out of the escape hatch, leaving the children for certain death, if it wasn’t for the astounding Norris.

With one quick left-legged round house, Chuck took out all of the terrorists, breaking their necks and knocking their knives harmlessly to the floor. Wilder then said, “Now there’s one kick even 12 months on the Total Gym couldn’t stop.” He then shared a high-five with Norris.

After getting all the children safely off of the plane, Norris took a moment out of his “busy” schedule to address this reporter.

“Mr. Norris,” I said to him, in awe, “You’ve truly made a difference here, for the better of the children and for the better of the nation.”

“No, Coodles.” He answered (I wasn’t even aware he knew my name), “God made a difference.”

He then grinned so profoundly that I was wrapped in fear as much as I was in admiration.

Coodles M.C. Pow