Chuck Norris finally Kicks Drugs Out Of America

Launching a daring daylight raid, Chuck Norris (actor, karate champion, savior of mankind) swung into the last stronghold of the drug trade in America. The terrorist/drug dealers hiding inside fought furiously, but were inevitably dispatched by repeated round houses and steely glares from Norris. Witnesses say that the thugs had Norris surrounded at one point but rather than swarming him, they sent one goon at him at a time only to be kicked down. In the two hour battle, Norris did the splits several times to avoid throwing stars; he is also said to have remarked "chill out" before kicking one henchman into a large freezing compartment.

"We meet at last Mr. Norris"

After rendering all of the cartel members unconscious or dead, Norris moved to the roof of the complex to face the Boss of the Cartel--former president Jimmy "fast hands" Carter. After circling one another for approximately one minute they both launched into a flying jump kick towards their opponent. Norris' kick connected cleanly with Carter's face, while Carter's kick only managed to rip off Norris' shirt. Then Norris delivered five successive Holy houses (a type of round house that calls directly on the power of God) to Carter's face. The final of these sent Carter plummeting over the edge and left him hanging on for dear life.

"Please, help me. I repent all my sins!" Jimmy reportedly cried to Norris for help.

As Norris reached for him, the pleas for help turned out to be a ruse. Carter swung his nobel peace prize--which he had hidden up his sleeve--at Norris' throat. Norris dodged the razor sharp edge of the prize and pushed Carter off the edge. Carter plummeted thirty stories and landed on the giant neon spear held by Geronimo on the billboard for Indian Casinos.

"Impale to the Chief, " said Norris (a clever pun that only the Son of God could think of).

After destroying the stockpile of drugs in the basement, with his laser vision, Norris said to reporters, "I almost broke a sweat on this mission; it's tough times like this that I almost miss Lee Marvin, Dad bless his soul in Delta Force heaven." Shortly after commenting, Norris retired to the offices of www.chuckynorris.com for a much anticipated Spill-n-Spell tournament.

At the end of the day the final score is...............KDOOA: 1,090,908 Drugs: 0

-Doktor Snuggles