I Suck at Buying Fireworks

It's July 4th, and I always fuck up when buying fire works. As an actor, I naturally enjoy bright, shiny things, like fireworks. Maybe it's this excitement that causes me grief or maybe it's the massive martini buzz I always got going on, and I'm sure the fact that I'm addicted to cocaine doesn't help. I can't seem to buy fireworks!

I walk into a store that sells fireworks (every store in the U.S.) and the conversation with the shopkeeper always goes down like this:

Me - "Hi, can I buy some bombs?"

Shop keep - "what?"

Me - "I meant to say terrorist sticks"

Shop keep - "what you say?!?"

Me - "errrrrrrrr.....What I mean is some of those city hall bloweruper, baby killing, I hate Americans, send-me-to-paradise-oh -great-Allah dealies"

Shop keep - "get the hell outta my store!"

Then I generally get shot at or beaten about the face and neck with the clerk's wooden leg.

"I mean fireworks," I usually yell as i run for my life, but it's too late...

Another 4th of July ruined, too bad all Americans are gay (especially me).

- sMelly "that's not a typo" Gibson