Chuckynorris.com Needs more Apostles to Fight in its Many Holy Wars!
I was talking to local hero Charles Wilson the other day, via instant messenger (I'm afraid of germs), and the guy lays this one on me: "How many apostles does your Church of Norris got?" and I go, "just 3 y'allllllllllllllll," so he says, "and the apostlic (sic) succession begins." And I don't know what in the name of Norris that means, so I tells him to explain it. Long story short (if you want the full story, CLICK HERE for the dialogue), he explains that it means we need more Apostles before we can go toe-to-toe with the big guns.
So, complete this, loyal followers, and send it to me (in the body of an e-mail to admin@chuckynorris.com)
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APOSTLE SIGN UP SHEET
NAME: _____________________
SEX (please circle one): male/female/whatever Tirk Wilder is
ARE YOU OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY? yes/no (please circle)
Do you embrace the infinitely compassionate and omnipresent and sexy and friggin' awesome entity that is Chuck Norris? yes/no (please circle)
In the form of a Haiku poem, describe how you feel about the total gym®
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
Which of the following words best describes Tirk Wilder (please circle): cantankerous, banjo-rific, cyclist, candy.
Which of the following person(s) could Chuck Norris NOT beat up?
1. Mr .T
2. Alan Alda
3. Bill Maher
4. WWF's Adam Bomb
5. only all of the above at once
6. What are you fucking kiddin' me? Chuck norris could beat up anyone (except my daddy, there ain 't no one could beat him up).
Is your name George PATTON or Wade BOGGS or are you a LAWYER? yes/no (please circle)
If I bought a pair of pants that had a 30 day money back guarantee and I took them back on the morning of the 31st day, SHOULDNT THAT LITTLE DORK OF A CLERK JUST BE A LITTLE BIT LENIENT AND GIVE ME MY DAMN REFUND EVEN THOUGH IT'S A COUPLE HOURS PAST THE RETURN CUT OFF POINT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! yes/no/I'm-a-little-teapot (please circle)
Have you ever screamed "Death to the Infidels!" in the streets of Ankara? yes/no (please circle)
Signature (sign with a skull and cross bones if you're illiterate) _______________
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-Snuggles
P. S. If you're lazy, and you only want to be a Disciple of Norris, just get a hair cut and send me five bucks and then you're in...