According
to the New
York Times, chuckynorris.com is considered one of Mr. Norris’s greatest
accomplishments of 2003, even surpassing his latest film, “Blacks Can’t Be Christians
Until They’ve Cleaned the Barn.” I Like People Who Can Run Fast
According
to the New
York Times, chuckynorris.com is considered one of Mr. Norris’s greatest
accomplishments of 2003, even surpassing his latest film, “Blacks Can’t Be Christians
Until They’ve Cleaned the Barn.”
I asked Chuck about this, via burning bush, and he had this to say: “Talk to my lawyers, they seem to know more about this retched site (www.chucknorris.com) than I do!”
Following up on this, I snuck into the home of Norris' lawyer,
Dr. Archibald Benedict, and found the infamous Rat Manning was already there
conducting an interview. Concealing myself in the pantry, I was able to record
the following:
Manning: So, Chuck Norris, since your box office falling out, this site has been paying for all Total Gym campaign ads, am I right?
Archibald Benedict: Firstly, I'm not Chuck Norris. Additionally, if you don’t mind Manning, your vomit like odor makes me want to drop to my knee’s and pray, and then round house your drunken ass to the Betty Ford clinnnnnniccccccc! ("clinic" was spoken in sing song voice)
Archibald Benedict: Listen up Manning, I have news for your Muslim ass, Mr. Carlos-Ray has big plans, bigger then any website, and this will pay for more ads than all of Hitler's gold.
Archibald Benedict <spoken to an empty room>: Listen up all you wannabes, Mr. Norris is on the loose and his next project will prove to be the greatest thing since The Red Shoe Diaries Mini – Series.
– Count Mortimer