Count Mortimer is no more

The ever-loving Tirk Wilder astonished the world this week, as he rode a 2-legged, cancer stricken foxhound named Terry across Australia. “I did it for all those dogs who get shot cause they shit on the floor,” claims Wilder. In other news, Count Mortimer is dead. His severed head was found a few miles from his carcass, which was evidently eaten by monkeys with knives and forks.

By: Rat Manning