Hello my legions adoring fans,

Sgt. Tirk "Sex icon" Wilder here in Iraqistan. Yep, as you may have guessed from the Sgt. in front of my name, I volunteered to fight in my sugar daddy's (George W. Bush's) war. Just like that loser football dude that got his shit messed up over here. But UNLIKE him, I volunteered for a cushy prison guard job. Not only is it safe here at the prison, I also get to pursue my second passion (second only to writing cheesy country music) electrocuting testicles.

I know you've been hearing a lot of "bad stuff" about our FREEDOM RESORT (prison). And I know you've been seeing all those pictures of Private Lyndie "manstashe" England next to Iraqi genitals. Well, there's a simple explanation for all of this!

Take this picture below, THATS NOT TORTURE! We simply store our prisoners in convenient fag piles to conserve space

Now that this controversy is all wrapped up, lets get back to talking about Jennifer Anniston and the delicious Brad Pitt CNN, sheesh!

Wish you were here,

Tirk

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